I just spent the last 50 minutes trying to wake up enough to get thought onto paper. Or, onto screen as it were. This morning feels particularly difficult to get moving and even though I wanted to get some writing in, all I could do was stare at the screen. Instead, I searched some different articles on how to get started on Podcasts and browsed through Amazon for some recording bundles. It definitely needs more research, but it’s a start.
Now that I’m awake (and now that I only have about ten minutes), I realized I can use this time to get something out even if it’s not exciting or insightful. I’ve been thinking a lot about moving – It’s coming up soon. After a year and a half apart, Beau and I will be moving back in together. It’s going to be strange with just the two of us, as we’ve never been together without the presence of roommates before. (His roommates are buying a house, which most know is both an exciting and exhausting endeavor). I’m very much looking forward to it, but it’s definitely got my mind busy with what to do.
I’ve made so many lists I’m not even sure what to do with them. What to clean, what to pack, what to trash. Last night I took some time to go through all of my clothes and came away with two bags of clothing that I intend to donate. I want to start packing things, but logically I have another three weeks or so, at least, and I’m also wary of packing up too much. My room is my sanctuary (and also most of the only things I have to pack), so I don’t want to pack away too much and come home to an empty space crammed with boxes.
Ultimately, though, I’m so excited that I can’t seem to organize my thoughts. I have ideas of what I want to do with the house, with the yard, all rolling around in my mind. Before Beau bought the house a few years ago, I had actually never lived in a house that I was responsible for maintaining. Even growing up, my parents always rented, and when they did rent a house maintaining the yard or having gardens wasn’t something I was ever a part of. Because of this, I struggled a lot with yard work and really knowing what to do to keep things alive and under control. You’d think it would be as simple as just watering and weeding, but it felt so much more complex than that. I started to really resent yard work. I do not have green thumbs. This is evidenced by my house plant, which is half dead.
This time, though, I’m attacking it with a new drive. Research! YouTube, articles, Pinterest, How To Do Yard Work for Dummies – whatever is out there, my hands are getting on it! I think it helps that it’s something I want to do this time. And, hey, at least this time I know all the things not to do.
I have some anxiety, too. I’ve set it aside in the “worry about it when it gets here” category, but I’m curious to see how long it takes me to adjust being home at night by myself (Beau works midnights). For whatever reason, I’ve never done very well on my own at night. The first two and half months I lived by myself last year I was in constant panic at night. Every little sound would wake me and I was convinced that it was someone (or something) in my house. I don’t anticipate this will change, but I’m hoping that it will ease and eventually go away after some time of adjustment.
Good and bad things, I’m excited to be moving forward. I think a lot can be said about taking that time and space when it’s needed to re-evaluate yourself and what you want out of life. The time for evaluation is over! Commence next phase.